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ASPHALT JUNGLE SHORTS II
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People gathered
in the rotunda of our city hall. They
all believed they were all part of the audience. They
wait. Unsure.
This process of street theatre really
exposes the people with control issues.
They like to be abreast of things.
They ask: When does it start? Where do we stand? How will we know it’s starting? Where does it go from here? How many plays? How long will it take? Where will we end up? Me: Soon.
There. You’ll know. Where they lead you. Enough.
Until it’s over. Somewhere
nice.
Things happen
at once. They are supposed to. I am also the box office/house person. I’m taking tickets. Smiling nicely. Not really answering any of their
questions…which is better to do if you are smiling nicely. And all the while, I’m looking around, then
looking at my empty arm in a bit of a frazzle. Maybe as I am writing this, I’ll remember
to wear a watch tonight. (I didn’t) I look around for someone I know pretty
well. Sometimes it’s someone connected
with the show…
I say. “Something’s…well…something….I have…oh,
never mind. Could you watch the box
office (a table and chair couple of charts and a cash box)…but don’t sell any
tickets. I steal two fives from the
cash box and take off up the staircase in the City Hall after two funky
looking street people, Cosmo and Gigi.
While I’m bribing them with two fives, a ruckus starts in the line-up. People wanting to butt-in, a perfect victim
gonna save the world girl offers the people whose lives are more important an
opportunity to exercise their unalienable right to be first. BAD FEET – City Hall Written by Kathleen Kramer ( Directed by Matthew White With Roger Sumner, Tracey Kenyon,
Douglas Morton et al. After showing
Cosmo and Gigi where to take the group of people (assuming whoever was supposed to do that did not show up), they
join the group, asking them to line up in groups of fives…no threes…no, fives
and threes. They launch into the first
scene of Cosmo and Gigi. GIGI Hey. Know what? COSMO No. Don’t
start on the god thing. Don’t And in a
couple of lines, their relationship as existential lovers is established. Note: Cosmo and Gigi, written by Isabella
Russell-Ides of *COSMO & GIG (in six acts)
- Various locations Written by Isabella Russell-Ides
( Directed by Paddy Gillard-Bentley Cosmo– Bruce Wolff Gigi – Katharine Mills Thus begins
the show. “Are you ready?” Gigi says.
“Let’s go!” And the audience
follows where they lead. Although one night, I heard a woman say, “Do you think it’s safe to go with
them?” I smiled.
Cosmo & Gigi (right behind Cosmo is
Jenni Munday, our director from Out the front doors of the city hall, to
the fountain, which has been turned off for us.
A guy and a
stone bench and a chessboard. Cosmo
leaves the group to play a quick game.
BLITZ is this play, written by the actors (Bruce Wolff and Brendan
Schaefer – honed by director/playwright Gary Kirkham). Blitz is a play of word games, contrived to
throw Cosmo off his game.
BLITZ written and performed by Bruce
Wolfe & Brendan Schaefer
When the timer
goes off, interestingly, from Brendan’s pocket. The game is over, and the audience turns to
head to the next location. «BLITZ– By the City Hall Fountain Written and performed by Brendan
Schaefer & Bruce Wolff Directed by Gary Kirkham
On the upper balcony of the City Hall,
a couple is deep…really deep…into a kiss.
I’m sure the audience doesn’t know whether it’s part of the show or
not…well, until the fountains…all five of them, start up again…right in the
middle of the kiss. Hmmm. JUAN THE KISSER – Everywhere Performed by Kristopher Bowman …and a lot of girls
Bruce Wolff
Katharine Mills Cosmo and Gigi
lead the audience, like a surreal bohemian parade, to A couple,
behind a painting - only their legs are visible…are doing God knows what
behind the painting…panting, breathing hard….hard…it’s moving.
Meny Beriro’s SHOCK. It’s a short piece. The couple emerge from behind the painting,
in tact, wearing all their clothes…ah…it was the art they were reacting to... SHOCK – Inside the Mayfair Hotel Written by Meny Beriro (NYC) Directed by Paddy Gillard-Bentley A – Tanya Williams B – Thomas Parent
Tanya Williams
and Thomas Parent continue looking at the art, and quietly take seats with the
audience as Nicholas Cumming enters, auspiciously critiquing the pieces with
a keen eye and palpable body language.
He gasps at the pile of Styrofoam boxes – meant to be a sculpture.
Enter Gloria
(Shelagh Ranalli), a little gruff, a little outspoken. She looks at the ‘sculpture and rolls her
eyes, sighing.” “My daughter
could have done that…and she’s five!” MY NAME IS ART
by Peter Snoad was probably the funniest piece in the show. After arguing the finer, and not so finer
points dealing with the value of art, which reaches a frenzied pitch with the
Architect trying to convince the plumber… “And the boxes, they have a uniform size and shape—we’re
reproducing the same stupidity over and over and over again, intellectual
pygmies that we are. And yet—and yet—if we re-arrange the boxes in different
configurations, we convince ourselves, we create the grand self-perpetuating
illusion, that we’re actually being creative. Which is, of course, the
devastating irony of the whole piece.” (Insert huge laughter from the audience here) Ah. It seems as if she finally gets it just as
Art walks in (Douglas Morton).
Art, written
across his chest. Art, not short for
Arthur… “No, just Art. My parents thought of me as a work of art. Hence
the name.”
Now this is Art she can sink her teeth
into…so to speak.
A little difficult convincing the
architect.
MY NAME IS ART – Inside The Mayfair Hotel Written by Peter Snoad – Directed by Matthew White Gloria – Shelagh Ranalli Anthony – Nicholas Cumming Art – Douglas Morton On to the next
space. The audience turns the corner,
and on the fourth floor of a well lit stairway to a parking garage, a couple
are deep…oh, so deep into a kiss.
Damn…it’s the same guy that was kissing earlier…different girl though.
– the wacky one from the first play…that was a play…wasn’t it?
Cosmo and Gigi
argue about disappointment and tea.
She almost leaves. People hold
their breath….she’s on her way up the hill, but like a magnet, Cosmo’s
presence pulls her back. “Are you
disappointed?” She says, smiling…and
nudging him. “Nah.” It was a lovely moment. We cross the street to beside what used
to be the Legion. Lovely old building
owned by the city. There is a huge
dumpster at the end of the lot.
Starting to get dark. The crowd
follow Cosmo and Gigi toward the dumpster.
The sound of people running….loud, out of breath around the corner,
back against the wall….manly scream as she rounds the corner brandishing
a….curling iron! (The city got their pants in a twist when they heard this piece had
been choreographed with a meat cleaver, hence the curling iron.) DOUBLE EDGE
WORD is wonderful. Tanya Williams, who
teaches contact improve, dance, movement choreographed this piece as well as
acted in it with Kristopher Bowman (who is also the kisser – tough job). This was directed by Jenni Munday. The first two
minutes is an incredible fight scene, with the two of them fighting over the
curling iron, lots of grunting and manic laughter.
He ends up
with her over his shoulder, grabbing the wrist brandishing the iron, and
seeming to slam her into a rough brick wall, pinning the wrist to the
wall. Both of them, breathing hard,
out of breath…
HE: What? SHE: What? HE: What? SHE: What what? HE: Nevermind. And on it goes
- one minute and twenty seconds of really funny, ambiguous dialogue written
by Melissa Major of
Cosmo and Gigi watching Double Edged
Word. DOUBLE – EDGED WORDS – Behind the Legion Written by Melissa Majors ( Directed by Jenni Munday He – Kristopher Bowman She – Tanya Williams (also
Choreographed by) The crowd
mills. Cosmo and Gigi never really
look sure about what they are doing. GIGI Hah! That’s it then. COSMO What? GIGI I don’t know. For a minute I had it. Now. Nothing. Gigi throws a green plastic tiny doll she’d found into
the dumpster. It immediately flies
back out again. And then more things
come flying out… Come on...crap... (he tosses out some garbage) ...crap... (more garbage flies out) ...and cr—ah, wait a minute. What do we
have here? Come to papa, my little beauty. CAN CAN’T – by
Michael Burgan. I love the fact that
Tom lies to his wife…saying he’s going out for smokes, to actually go out and
dumpster dive. It’s a sickness, and
Tom’s wife is intent on curing him. There is a
large house that’s been made into a bar…Whiskey Jacks, I believe. The deck looks out over the parking lot,
and every night we collected quite an audience from the bar, hooting and applauding
at the end of the play. CAN CAN’T – Behind the Legion. Written by Michael Burgan - Directed by Kathleen Sheehy Tom – Brendan Schaefer Marie – Shelagh Ranalli The audience
follows Cosmo and Gigi. A block over
is a lovely green space. The audience
is lead around the corner and into a park like setting, where a table has
been set, a bit surreally, with a white cloth, a pitcher of water and one
glass. A lost couple wanders into the
space, on the heels of Cosmo and Gigi scene V. ARIEL: Shut up. ARIEL: Shut…up! That was a big hint you were heading
east. ARIEL: Like you
never make a mistake. There are park
benches, and retaining walls for the audience to sit on. The couple argues over whether or not to drink
the water. It’s a beautiful play by *IN THE EAST A GLASS OF WATER – Green Space Written by Lea Daniel ( Directed by Gary Kirkham Ariel – Tanya Williams Adam – Kristopher Bowman The audience
is lead away by Cosmo & Gigi.
Always in character.
Around the
next corner, the Cenotaph
The Cenotaph (here is where the photographer stopped
shooting as the light was gone, and he kindly, wouldn’t use a flash) A clean white
shirt on the walkway, and we are now watching ALLEN FUNT IS DEAD by Kathleen
Kramer – who incidentally came to see the show from New York, and we were
thrilled to have her there. A
conversation between two strangers about why the shirt is there, and why it
may not be a good idea to take it. ALLEN FUNT IS DEAD – Cenotaph Written by Kathleen Kramer ( Directed by David Antscherl Pete – Douglas Morton Elaine - Tracey Kenyon Looking up
from that piece…another kiss…this time, on the stairway to an overpass…talk
about an over pass. He kisses her…and
kisses her, and kisses her…and then…then…he wife arrives. After a bit of a scene…’she’ leaves and
Kris ends up kissing his ‘wife’. Just
fun shtick. Cosmo and Gigi
move the audience to the corner, and cross the street. Milling around a phone booth, some poor
woman just about to leave the phone and up comes the SENTINEL, by Andrew
Lakin. Consumed with the danger of
germs and ‘jobbies’ on the phone, she rants to a surprised woman, and the
audience, until she races off yelling at someone to “ «THE SENTINEL – Speakers Corners Written by Andrew Lakin ( Directed by Kathleen Sheehy Sentinel – Arlene Thomas The final
scene of Cosmo and Gigi is performed, with Gigi walking away after giving
Cosmo a precious mitten. She gently
calls over her shoulder…I know. The audience
is then lead to the Delta Inn’s lounge.
Lovely and civilized, especially when we’ve just taken the audience
through some of the more seedier areas of downtown. Cosmo is at the door, collecting lanyards, and
encouraging the audience to order a drink, or use the washroom….but not at
the same time. This is the
intermission, although it’s more like three quarters way through. CHARLENE MEETS
LUKE IN A REALLY WOMAN (After staring at him for a long
thoughtful moment) We’re strangers. (Turns the page of his paper.) Yeah, yeah, yeah. WOMAN No. Pretend. What? WOMAN Pretend! We’re strangers. We don’t know each other. We don’t? WOMAN No. This piece got
so many laughs as the two of them make believe right into the realization
that they don’t know each other at all.
She imagines she is a rare jewel appraiser who has Brad Pitt in the
palm of her hand, and he is a Nascar Racer…. Yeah, I mean, what can I do? Not only am I rich, but I’m good
looking and funny! How can they resist? I try to push them off, because
racing is a dangerous game, and I swore when I chose this life that I’d do it
alone so I wouldn’t break a good woman’s heart with my tragic, fiery death. WOMAN How many women are there? I like to think of it as one woman with a thousand faces. CHARLENE MEETS LUKE AT A REALLY DELTA HOTEL - BOTANICA Written by Christopher Lockheardt Directed by David Antcherl Performed by Katharine Mills,
Thomas Parent & Arlene Thomas After it
ended, the waitress (Arlene Thomas), who has been a re-occurring character
throughout - playing the neurotic woman in Bad Feet, and the neurotic
obsessive compulsive woman in The Sentinel, approaches the table brusquely,
pours water, and leaves. Ah, the guy
sitting alone with the bowtie is supposed to look weird. His date, Laurie, comes back from the
washroom…shoeless. He’s horrified to
realize she has taken her shoes off under the table and now is missing one
shoe. This guy could give Felix Unger
a run for his money. FOR WANT OF A LAURIE Oh? So is this the deal-breaker, Paul? Is this it? Will it
spell the end of our beautiful and burgeoning relationship if I go under this
table to retrieve my shoe? PAUL Laurie, if you go under that table with all those, those germs
and where other people’s smelly, dirty feet have been… I just don’t think I
could ever touch you again. LAURIE Really! I would be so contaminated, so unclean, that you could
never touch me again. Imagine. Me, an untouchable. Nonetheless, I want that
shoe. (With that, LAURIE disappears
under the table.) WAITRESS I could never do that in a million years. PAUL Good for you. That’s to your credit. I would say Laurie
leaves in a huff, but as none is available, she limps awkwardly out…never did
find the other shoe, and returns, plunking the shoe on the table – a parting
gift. Of course the waitress and Paul
are going to hook up… PAUL Wait! Don’t go yet. (WAITRESS
stops.) It’s so strange, but … I feel like I know you now. Like we’ve
shared some, some terrible experience and survived and now I know you. Does
that make any sense? At all? WAITRESS Yes, I know what you mean. I feel like I know you, too. (SHE and PAUL gaze at each other.) FOR WANT OF A Written by Kristine McGovern ( Directed by Jenni Munday Laurie – Katharine Mills Paul – Thomas Parent Waitress – Arlene Thomas And so we come
to the end. I stand and announce this
to the audience, and the unsuspecting victims in the bar. I stop.
Glance out the window overlooking the indoor pool. Sigh.
Shake my head and walk toward the window. There are This is the
bar after the plays. |
«World Premier of
plays
To all the Playwrights, Actors, Directors,
Stage Managers, City of Kitchener, Jump Logistics, Delta Inn, Verdexus
and most especially the audience, without
whom, there would be no show……………thank you.
~Paddy
PHOTOS FROM THE SHOW AND CAST PART
Theatre like you never have! Is that woman beside you part of the show or
just strange?
Are those policemen actors who are arresting
the young man? Nope.
Fifteen plays from 45 seconds to 13 minutes
long, in places you'd never expect.
In our past events, some plays have been performed in store windows, garbage
dumpsters, back alleys and
thirty feet below street level through a
grate in the sidewalk. The line between reality and imagination becomes blurred
when you aren't sure what is a play, and what is the usual natural theatre of
downtown Kitchener.
AJS I AJSIII AJSIV AJSV AJSVI AJSVII
ASPHALT JUNGLE SHORTS II
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